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26-Oct-2020 10:42

It may be that you want them to acknowledge that you’re uniquely disadvantaged by the universe – that you have barriers and limitations that are out of your control and that things are not your fault.

It may be getting them confirm that other people are wronging you – confirmation that you’re a righteous person who’s maligned by others.

that we’re acting this way – we’re too stuck in our own heads and don’t see how the way we’re acting or responding is affecting the people that we care about.

Tell them “I need a few minutes to figure out how to say this. That’s why it’s not your fault when things go wrong.

I’m going to go to the other room/ take a walk/ get some quiet until I can make sure I know what I’m trying to say.” That time to choose your words can make the difference between fixing the problem or letting another misunderstanding turn a disagreement into full-blown drama. You knew what to do, and if people would just listen to you, everything would be fine. One of the most insidious causes of unnecessary drama is the need to control the narrative – to be “right” and, more importantly to have other people agree that you’re right.

It’s the classic “I want you to mean is they want consideration and appreciation from their partner, not someone with a cleaning fetish.

But that surface issue – the dishes – becomes a distraction and the meaning is lost.

Many people need a moment or two to figure out how to phrase things properly; when they speak off the cuff they may misspeak, use the wrong words or generally create misunderstandings.