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Likewise, unresolved issues can make it difficult to accept that the relationship has ended at all.Clients often tell our counsellors that they feel stuck going over and over what happened in their last relationship and that makes it feel impossible to move on.It’s also a lot harder now to disconnect yourself from painful reminders of the past: simply logging on to Facebook and seeing updates or photos of an ex can leave you heartbroken all over again.The cycle of emotions you go through following a breakup can be similar to those you would go through following bereavement.The important thing is that you give yourself the time and support you need to feel better.Relationship Counselling can help you talk over your thoughts with someone who doesn’t know you or your ex and won’t judge anything you say.
Although it isn’t always easy, it’s much more useful to focus objectively on what the relationship was lacking and how it failed to meet your or your partner’s needs.Some clients tell us they worry that they aren’t dealing with a breakup as they should be or that friends or family expect them to snap out of it.The truth is, how someone responds to the end of a relationship is different for each of us: there’s no right or wrong way to do it.“You have this drive to get that fix in the form of being around the person that you care about.” So my breakup was a cocaine withdrawal? “We have this pervasive idea that, ‘oh, it’s just a breakup, it’s not that big of a deal,’” he said.
“Whereas emotionally it can be quite a big deal, and [breakups] can be a risk factor for depression, which is no clinical condition to take lightly.I also wanted to know how my experiences lined up with the scientific consensus on what helps people get over breakups, so I asked relationship researchers to weigh in on my list.